She disobeys her family and forgives so her son can have a father


She forgives her boyfriend who walks out on her after she was five months pregnant

Baby BoyAfter separating from my husband, I met someone and started a new relationship. Our relationship progressed very quickly and I got pregnant after about 5 months. All of it came way too fast and stressed us both out. He slowly became despondent with me and took off more and more. We got into more fights and he would leave for days then come back and apologize. It wasn’t until much later after the baby was born that I learned he had a drug habit and all the stress sent him into a relapse. Three days before Christmas when I was seven months pregnant, he left me. He told me he was going to see some family out of town and never came back. He left me with $50 to my name and didn’t even call.

Luckily, I have amazing parents who had me stay with them for Christmas and really helped me out. My mother was my coach during delivery and they had me move in with them for extra support. Through the remainder of the pregnancy, I went from rage and anger to concern for him and an expectation that he would contact me. I called his sister’s house where I found he was living but I could never get him on the phone. There were times where I felt some momentary clarity. This was a test of my will and who I am. It was my job to forgive him even if he didn’t ask for it.

It was about a month before my son was born that I started getting an urge to find him so my son could have a father. I was discouraged by all my friends and family to do that and I listened. I was afraid that the stress could induce labor in a city away from my personal support circle so out of my son and my own safety, I didn’t go. But I kept thinking about this every day. After my son was born, I tried calling where I believed he was staying and spoke to some of his relatives to let them know he had a son – still I didn’t hear from him. I had my family saying to let it go. Eventually, I had to send out his birth certificate and I at first put no father on it but I couldn’t get myself to actually mail it out.

After my son turned one month old, I decided to go to London where he was staying (approx. 1.5 hours away) and introduce him to his son. My thoughts were that when my son grows up, I want to tell him that I tried doing the right thing and gave him the chance to meet his father. If he didn’t have a relationship with his father, it was not by my doing – out of any of my resentment or anger. I was compelled to do what was right for my son. This is where my inner voice would not let go of me. I had everyone in my family against me finding him or giving him any type of chance but I couldn’t ignore that insistent inner voice.

I called his sister who told me that if I met her at her house, she would give me directions to get to him. My family was extremely upset with me doing this and no one supported me on my decision. As soon as I saw him, his first words to me were “It wasn’t your fault, it was all mine.” and he told me the whole story about his drug addiction and relapse. Amazingly, the day my son was born was the same day he overdosed and actually flat lined in the hospital. When he woke up, it was also the day he sobered up.

We slowly started talking again. At first because I had so many questions about what happened, I would call to get answers. Eventually we became friends. It was such a painful time in my life with no one offering me any support at all concerning my decision to contact him. I felt a lot of guilt after my parents helped me out so much about going against their wishes. They hated him for everything he did and refused the concept of forgiveness. I remember sitting with a minister and talking to him about it and he advised me to just follow my heart and do what I believe is best.

It took a long time and a lot of counseling but I found a way to completely forgive him. I knew I had to and knew that everything I wanted to teach my children in life required me to be the living example of it. We first became friends, then best friends. When we both felt strong and whole again, we started dating. Now, we are engaged and through his loving actions to me and my children, my family forgave him too. We have a loving home and now, whenever stress comes in our lives, we use our past as a source of strength. We find ourselves saying to each other that if what we had to go through didn’t break us nothing will and we can battle anything together.

An inner guidance led me through everything I did. I had to go completely against the stream and just follow my heart about what I felt was right. I completely believe that being a moral person is not what you do when people are watching you but what you do when no one is or when everyone is telling you otherwise.

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